it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
