TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
