Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just cropdusted the office
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
