i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
