I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
