I puked a lego.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
