We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
