he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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