It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
