mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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