...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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