It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
that is very illegal...i love you.
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