So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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