I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
