i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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