Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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