I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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