just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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