we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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