Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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