I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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