the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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