oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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