best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
