my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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