it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
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Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
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YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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