how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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