Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
