When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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