She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
