Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
