I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just had sex bonerless
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
