some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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