I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
