She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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