just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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