You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
