somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
