Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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