Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
