May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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