My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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