I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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