I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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