I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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