i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
