Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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