my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
