The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
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