I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
