Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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