Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
