I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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