You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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