Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
