she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
