what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
