I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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