Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
