He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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