I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
