im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
