Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
