i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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