I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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