The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
