oh god the rape fog is back!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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