this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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