...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
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I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
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This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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