I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
