I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
