I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
