Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
