Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
