the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
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Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
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I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?