giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.