So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it