I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.