Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
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Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.